Anticipatory Grief: Loving Your Senior Pet While Preparing to Miss Them

She’s Still Here… So Why Does It Already Hurt This Much?

Some days, my Sheltie Milli follows me from room to room like she’s afraid I might disappear.

She’s 16½ years old.
She was diagnosed with canine kidney disease six months ago.
And lately, when I reach for my coat or keys, she watches me with a quiet urgency that breaks my heart.

I tell myself I’m just running errands.
That I’ll be back soon.
That she’s safe.

But underneath that reassurance is something harder to name:

I already miss her.

Not because she’s gone — she’s not.
But because I can feel the season shifting.
Because the version of her I’ve loved for so many years is slowly changing.
Because loving an aging pet means holding gratitude and heartbreak in the same breath.

If you’re caring for an old dog or cat and feel this ache creeping in — even while they’re still here — I want you to know:

You’re not imagining it.
You’re not being dramatic.
And you’re not alone.

What Is Anticipatory Grief With Pets?

Anticipatory grief — sometimes called pre-grief — is the emotional pain that begins before a loss actually happens.

With senior pets, it often arrives quietly:

• When diagnoses enter the picture

• When treatments like subcutaneous fluids become part of daily life

• When appetite comes and goes

• When there are good days… and harder ones

• When you realize you’re loving them more carefully now

This grief isn’t just about death.

It’s about missing who they used to be —
the vibrant, capable, familiar version of them you celebrated for years.

And that kind of grief can feel confusing, lonely, and deeply personal.

Why We Grieve While They’re Still Alive

I’ve had 16 years with Milli.

She has walked beside me through:

• Divorce

• The loss of my mother

• Watching my children leave for college

• Becoming a different version of myself, again and again

She hasn’t just been my dog — she’s been my witness.

So when her body slows, when her sass shows up only in brief glimpses, when her needs increase and her independence fades, something inside me begins to mourn.

Anticipatory grief doesn’t mean you’re giving up.

It means your heart understands how much this relationship matters — and how much will eventually be missing.

This is love, not weakness.

Do Pets Know They’re Declining?

This is a question I sit with both professionally and personally.

As an animal communicator — and as someone living this with my own dogs — my answer is this:

• Sometimes pets know their bodies are changing

• Sometimes they sense it without labeling it

• And sometimes… they deny it, just like humans do (Milli's in this phase)

What animals don’t tend to do is live too far into the future.

They mostly live in this moment which is one of their many gifts to us.

This is why anticipatory grief often feels so heavy for us — we’re mentally leaving before they do.

And our pets feel that.

What Senior Pets Are Teaching Us Through Pre-Grief

If there’s a lesson woven into this stage of life, it’s this:

Presence over control.

Caring for an aging pet asks us to:

• Stop fixing and start witnessing

• Release certainty

• Let go of timelines

• Love without clinging

Milli doesn’t ask me to manage her ending.
She asks me to sit with her.
To choose connection over fear.
To stay.

That is harder than it sounds.

Signs You’re Experiencing Anticipatory Grief With Your Pet

You may be experiencing pre-grief if:

• You cry watching them sleep

• You feel guilt for imagining life without them

• You monitor every symptom closely

• You feel anxious leaving the house

• You notice how clingy they’ve become — and how torn you feel

• You swing between hope and heartbreak

• You feel like you’re losing them in slow motion

If you recognize yourself here, please hear this:

You are not failing your pet.
You are loving them deeply.

The Emotional Weight of Caring for a Pet With Kidney Disease

Chronic illness brings a particular kind of grief. Whether it's cancer or auto-immune or CKD, it's all a challenge.

There’s:

• The daily care

• The fluid treatments

• The appetite worries

• The constant recalibration

Good days bring relief.
Hard days bring fear.

And beneath it all is the quiet understanding that this isn’t a temporary detour — it’s a sacred, tender chapter.  Keep reminding yourself this is sacred and try to be honored that you get to assist your loved ones.

It’s okay to grieve the ease you once had.  I certainly do.
It’s okay to miss who they were.
It’s okay to feel both thankful and heartbroken.

Gentle Ways to Support Yourself and Your Pet Through Pre-Grief

Here are a few practices I return to — and offer my clients — during this season:

1. Speak Your Love Aloud

Your pet receives your words energetically. Tell them everything — often.

2. Ask Them What They Need Today

Sit quietly and ask:
“What do you need from me right now?”
Then trust what comes.

3. Stay With This Moment

When fear rises, gently come back to:

• Their breath

• Their warmth

• Their eyes

• The present moment

4. Create Small Rituals of Connection

Hands on their body. Quiet presence. These moments matter.

5. Name What You’re Grieving — and What You’re Honoring

Both deserve space.

You Don’t Have to Carry This Alone

Many people reach out to me during anticipatory grief — not because their pet has passed, but because the love feels too big to hold by themselves.

An animal communication session during this time can help:

• Understand what your pet is feeling

• Ease emotional fear on both sides

• Strengthen connection while they’re still here

• Bring peace before a crisis ever arrives

Support doesn’t mean you’re giving up.
It means you’re choosing presence.

A Gentle Invitation

If you’re caring for a senior pet and your heart feels tender, conflicted, or quietly shattered open… I’m here.

You don’t have to do this alone.

Loving them while preparing to miss them is one of the bravest acts of love there is.

And it is an honor to walk that path with you.  

Discover how they're really feeling during my animal communication reading & body mapping session.  Learn more here